Psalms 119:130 NKJV The entrance of Your words gives light; It gives understanding to the simple.
The solution to a complicated life is to be a better manage your life.
The resources of our lives can be categorized in three general areas:
- Time Management
- Resource Management
- Relationship Management
Relationship Management (cont.)
The clear-cut goal of our relationships should be simply this: to exercise godly influence in the lives of other people.
Do not confuse influence with manipulation.
Manipulation is the desire to affect others for your own selfish benefit or personal gain. Influence is always for the benefit of others.
Motivation is the key!
How do we manage relationships: The LOVE of God!
God’s love is the greatest resource we have been given to manage relationships.
1 Corinthians 13:8 NKJV (8) Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.
- We already have this ability on the inside of us!
Romans 5:5 NKJV Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
- God’s love is always unconditional.
- It is the kind of love that always gives and never takes.
John 3:16 NKJV For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
- This is the kind of love that makes you a resource to other people and not a consumer.
What is the standard for God’s love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 AMP (4) Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. (5) It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. (6) It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. (7) Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. (8) Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].
Here is a huge key in learning to walk in love:
John 15:9 NKJV “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.
To the degree that we know and believe that God loves us, is the degree that we will be able to love other people.
How do we get a revelation of God’s love for us?
- Fellowshipping with God.
- By spending time in God’s Word.
- By spending time in prayer.
Attention breeds appetite.
- Focus your attention on meeting the needs of other people.
Another element to managing relationships:
“Agape” love is the kind of love that gives to demonstrate itself.
“Phileo” is the feeling or fond emotion of love, a brotherly love, or friendship love.
1 Thessalonians 5:23 NKJV (23) Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
- Our emotions give us the “staying power” that we need to follow through with a decision that we made intellectually.
- Agape love gives, but phileo love sustains that decision to keep on giving.
John 16:26-27 NKJV In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I shall pray the Father for you; (27) for the Father Himself loves you, because you have loved Me, and have believed that I came forth from God.
The word for love in this verse is “phileo”. What does this mean? It means God loves us affectionately and tenderly.
- In other words, God “feels” something about you when He thinks of you.
- God desires for us to cultivate a felt affection towards Him in our relationship with Him.
1 Corinthians 16:22 AMP (22) If anyone does not love the Lord [does not have a friendly affection for Him and is not kindly disposed toward Him], he shall be accursed! Our Lord will come! (Maranatha!)
This does not mean that God is laying a curse on us. It simply means that in the cursed world we are living in, we are not going to be able to escape the curse in it by having a close relationship with Jesus.
So we need this phileo love in our relationship with God but we also need it in our relationships with other people.
- Loving others with godly emotion is a learned response.
Titus 2:4 AMP So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children,
- Affection can be trained or taught.
Affection can be cultivated and grow based on how we train ourselves and feed it.
1 Corinthians 13:7 AMP Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
- Cultivating affection for others has to do with our thinking.
If we dwell on the pain, hurt or disappointment that someone may have caused us then we will tend to cultivate negative feelings towards someone.
The Bible teaches us to think about people in a good light. Think about something positive about them. In the very least, think about how much God loves them and how affectionate He is towards them.
- Choices lead and feelings follow!
Sow seeds of affection towards others.
- Show them kindness by acts of love and it might eventually win them over.
Romans 12:20-21 NKJV Therefore “IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM; IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP COALS OF FIRE ON HIS HEAD.” (21) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
- Praying for others is a powerful thing we can do to cultivate affection for them.
This is a significant form of giving we can do for them.
Luke 6:27-28 NKJV “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, (28) bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.
One of the reasons that Jesus said for us to do this is because He knows that this will facilitate a change in our hearts.