You Asked For It – Part 3
Question: How can I be a better parent?
Maximum Parenting
- Parenting is one of the great joys of life.
- Parenting is not for squeamish or the faint of heart.
- In parenting there are no guarantees.
- Parenting has thrilling highs and extreme lows.
- Highs and Lows of Parenting
Highs –
“Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.” Later she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. (Genesis 4:1-2 NIV)
Lows –
“Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.” (Genesis 4:8 NIV)
Highs –
“Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.” (Psalm 127:3 NIV)
Lows –
“Then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living.”” (Genesis 27:46 NIV)
Highs –
“A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother.” (Proverbs 10:1 NIV)
Lows –
“The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!”” (2 Samuel 18:33 NIV)
- How do we handle the highs and lows of Parenting?
- What do we hold onto?
Four Handlebars for Maximum Parenting
- Hold onto the goal.
“God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”” (Genesis 1:28 NIV)
- We are to make godly difference makers.
Your kids can be whatever they want to be but in the middle of that teach them to walk with God.
Make sure we are giving our kids what really counts. (Values, Love, standards, discipline, contributing to society)
Point them to God
Point your kids in the right direction— when they’re old they won’t be lost.” (Proverbs 22:6 MSG)
You are responsible for their adulthood while they are children. It’s so hard to try to over parent adults.
There is no “they will learn one day”. If you want them to know something then we have to teach it. It’s best if we teach them now.
Children are going to be what you shape and mold them to be.
Pray for them fervently
B. Hold onto your time.
“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16 NIV)
Make the most of your time with your kids.
Busy-ness and reaction will sweep the time away.
Refuse to leave the best things in life to chance.
3 phases of parenting:
Coach, Cheerleader, and Consultant
Coaching 0 – Pre-teen (Direction)
Cheerleader – Pre-teen – Early adulthood (I’m proud of you…and You’re good at…)
Consultant Early adulthood – Adulthood (Be the helper)
C. Hold onto the responsibility
“And David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them.” (Psalm 78:72 NIV)
Live with integrity
(You don’t have to be perfect to be a hero)
Constantly upgrade your parenting skills
You got skills??
- Know their bent
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 NKJV)
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 NIV)
2. Know their birth order and how it effects each child.
- First borns:
Achievers
Perfectionist
Cautious
High expectations
- Middle borns:
Different
Independent
Sociable
- Last borns
The life of the party
They want to do everything with everybody
Out going
They love fun
3. Help your kids to dream
Parents should help their kids dream big for their lives. Not just for being famous, but for contributing in life.
The Dream has to go along with their bent.
Parents that upgrade their skills will unleash a world good to their children.
D. Hold onto you mate
“Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage].” (COLOSSIANS 3:19 AMP)
Marriages suffer the most when there are small kids and teenage kids
Book excerpt:
“Show me a man and woman who have children and I will show you a man and a woman who need more than ever to nurture their relationship to ensure it thrives and grows. There’s something about romance that’s intensely personal. It all gets started when two people look at each other and something powerful happening inside themselves. They sit down with each other and begin to share their thoughts and feelings. They talk about their dreams and their goals, their values, their beliefs, their hopes, and their fears.”
There are few, if any, happily married persons I’ve interviewed who can get what they need from one another without engaging in this very personal, but direct process, on a regular basis.
Sometimes men, who spend tremendous energy in their careers, want their wives to feel their love on the basis of “how hard l am working for both of us.” It doesn’t work like this. And sometimes women, who give passionately to their children, want their husbands to see “how much I obviously love you because of how much I am giving to our kids.” It doesn’t work this way either.
Romance requires personal, direct, face to face time. There is never a time when two people can keep their love growing and prospering without plenty of energy spent relating to each other individually and intimately. This is why I encourage people who have children to schedule time for romance. Work it in…at least once a week.
-Neil Warren
Triumphant Marriage
Don’t be those parents that can’t be away from your kids.
Being away from them won’t hurt them but hovering over them will.
Build up your child’s (EQ) emotional quotient. Building EQ is more beneficial than build their IQ.
Emotionally stable children become highly functioning adults.
The emotional security comes from seeing parents love one another.
The marriage builds the child.
Be a united front as parent. We do this by prioritizing our marriage relationship.
Parenting comes down to this…”when my kids leave my house what are they leaving with?”